DONT FALL INLOVE OR LUST
OR ANYTHING WITH DUDES ON TOUR
These are the things my rockNroll parents would've informed me of if they knew the life road I was taking. But I guess my dad was less potential hang out / groupie material because the 70s were lacking women in music.
Do you remember that fucking website Myspace? A place for friends? Social-Networking at its most purest peak, in my opinion. Anyhow, I was a pseudo-teen-celebrity on that website. I made a lot of "friends."
[We aren't anymore but I also met my best friend of five years on that thing]. There was also a band that added me, from Seattle and kept me on their "Top 8" when technology got more advanced....

Bare with me. This band doesn't exist anymore. My favorite member of this band, who I'm trying to talk about, I will call him Rat (so beautiful it hurts); found me on Facebook shortly after I decided Myspace was too passe and it was time to move on.

Rat told me he was going on tour and we exchanged phone numbers. For the past month or more we had been sending dirty text messages amongst other things. I even talked to him on the phone. I had to know before hand if he sounded like a squirrel. We traded mutual hatred for hippies (I thought he was one, but he's just West coast) and "crazy girls."

I'm a crazy girl you guys... At-least a mild version of that. The days were counting down and it was time for me to pick out an outfit for this show/date with Myspace Dreamboat Rat-Man. I knew nothing about the music other then what I learned from some Youtube searches. Obviously I was not interested in the music so I went in knowing how things were going to pan-out.
He waited outside of Ottobar for me. As I walked down the sidewalk I could feel his air. Pure Sex. This was in the early afternoon so to go there in the day-time felt very unnatural. IT IS OUT OF CHARACTER FOR ME TO BE SEEN WITH PSYCH-ROCK BOYS! I was a little nervous. He introduced me to his band, they were polite enough but I couldn't really shuffle the vibe. One of them said he heard a lot about me. Hmmm. Ultimately I think they wanted to leave that night but knew they weren't going to because Rat was feeling me. Feel me?
At this point on, I started getting back to my normal sassy self. Alex showed up, she really likes this one band they played with. "Rachel, you know how you feel about Eyehategod? This is how I feel about the Black Lips." She was excited because she got to talk about Celebrity Skin with one of the members. I was happy for her. We hung out in this back room smoking cigarettes and shit.

They asked what we do in Baltimore besides get mugged and hassled. These dudes obviously had no idea how fucking hard B-more goes. The harder I think about how hard we go, the more I wanna do it and the more depressed I get.  They don't understand what it's like to live in the city of oppression and decay! Nor do they want to....
It was time for them to play, so me and Alex, broke and jobless both went to the bar to get draft beers. The people who work at this place are giant fucking dicks so I left them a whole 50 cent tip. We stood close to the stage but not too close. I didn't want to appear a supreme groupie. Also I was not that interested, I just wanted to watch him dance around all sexy. I'm only human. He was being a total show off and I was getting a lady-boner. Alex and I were exchanging laughs. I had been to this bar a million times but never saw so many tribal tattoos and weirdly sculpted beards. It was a strange crowd.
Rat talked to me in private about going to Seattle, or California and said he didn't plan on staying poor forever so that he would fly me out. The idea, wonderful. But do I believe him? I want to. He was elegantly flirty and my drunkenness was becoming more apparent. From behind I bit his neck and told him he couldn't leave tonight. "But then when will we ever make sweet fuck." Yeah, I said that. What the fuck? Is this love?
His prototype stare was more intoxicating than the free-booze. I was over being at the bar and wanted to fucking go home and pin this dude to my bed for days. I wasn't thinking about the after-math. This was Now. And I was taking him home. I did. (fucking success)

You know that scene in the Doors movie when Jim and vampire girl are running around naked like maniacs inlove? Yeah, it was like that except Absolute Body Control was the soundtrack and there was no blood and cocaine involved. Unfortunately. Moral of the story
Don't fucking fall in love with a dude on tour. Yeah. Thank you Myspace for pleasuring me with such wonderul encounters. There will be more to come! ( Can't wait to meet Faith Ivy)